Remote Possibilities
(aka, Marti Noxon Can Kiss
My Lily White Ass)
By Chani
“Quit it, slayer!”
“Then gimme the damn remote, you bleached blonde moron!” Buffy lunged for the remote control, but when Spike yanked it out of her reach at the last second, she ended up sprawled across his lap.
Unable to resist, he smacked her playfully on her backside. “If you were trying to straddle me, you’re a bit off, goldilocks.”
“That is so not what I was trying to do,” she told him, turning over. “I want the remote.”
He ignored her pouty look, knowing that she was getting too used to getting her way with that look. “Vampires in hell want ice water, but they can’t have any because someone forgot to unpack the glasses.”
“Well, it’s our first night here and there was so much to do.” She gave him a sheepish look. “Besides, I got sidetracked.”
“You call spending two hours in the Jacuzzi tub getting sidetracked?” he teased, tapping her on the nose.
“You weren’t complaining during the hour and a half you were in there with me.”
“Nope, sure wasn’t.” He dropped the remote on the table behind the couch, then pulled her closer to him. “And I fully intend to make good use of it again tonight…right after I watch ‘Dawson’s Creek’.”
“I hate that show, Spike. All they ever do is whine.”
He raised an eyebrow, considering pointing out the fact that she had a substantial amount of time logged doing just that – whining. “You think there’s something better on?”
“They just moved that vampire show to Wednesday nights and-”
“You mean the one that got moved to UPN?”
“Yeah, it used to be on Tuesday nights and I never go to see it because Dawn-”
“Luv, they had to move it to Wednesdays because ‘Gilmore Girls’ was kicking its ass. It sucks.”
“But it has vampires on it! You should like it. It has violence and romance and action and adventure and a hot blonde girl for you to drool over…”
“You must’ve not watched it lately, then, because adventurous it’s not. It’s so depressing that it makes me want to stab myself in the head with a hot fire poker. And the hot blonde girl has a crappy attitude that makes her about as appealing as that box of mealworm infested Wheatabix you bought the other day.”
“Spike! She’s a heroine. She’s a strong, moral character.”
Spike rolled his eyes. “Yeah, she used to be a really strong female character. Hell, the other characters were strong too. And they had gotten out of that ‘the world is black and white’ crap and moved to a more realistic ‘gray’ view. Then the head writer flew the coop and it all went to hell. No direction, no decent plot, no continuity. I think that stupid bint that’s in charge now is using the show to work out her own issues. The only thing that show has goin’ for it is that one cool vampire.”
“He’s evil!”
“That’s what you used to say about me, luv, even after I tried to show you how much I changed.”
She touched his face lovingly and frowned. “I’ve told you how sorry I am about that, Spike. I love you…and I will make it up to you.” Her eyes dropped to his chest. “I guess I’m just a slow learner.”
“No, just obstinate as hell.” He put a finger under her chin and forced her to look at him, then kissed her softly. “I love you, Buffy.” His eyes narrowed and he sighed. “And if you wanna watch some stupid show that sucks beyond all reason then go ahead. I guess I can suffer through it.” Besides, he had the TIVO in their bedroom recording ‘Dawson’s Creek’. But she didn’t need to know that.
She didn’t need to be told twice. After changing the channel, she settled back into Spike’s arms to watch the show. About twenty minutes into it, however, the pleasure she felt at getting her way started to quickly dissipate and she started to get fidgety. Very fidgety.
“Something wrong, luv?”
“Umm…we don’t have to watch this anymore. I know you hate it and I shouldn’t make you-”
“No, no. That’s okay. You seem to be enjoying it so much.”
Buffy frowned, trying to think of a way to get out of watching anymore of the show. One idea was particularly appealing. “There’s something I enjoy more…” Grinning, she turned toward him and started kissing his neck.
Spike leaned his head back, sighing contentedly. “Luv, wouldn’t it be easier to admit I was right?”
“Uh-uh.” She stopped what she was doing and looked up at him. “You were right. It made no sense. And she’s a complete bitch.”
He kissed her softly. “She has her moments, and when she does it reminds me of someone I happen to love very much. The rest of the time-”
Her hand covered his mouth. “Don’t finish that sentence.”
“So what are we gonna watch now? ‘Dawson’s Creek?’”
“No!”
“What about that new show with Luke Perry?”
She wrinkled her nose. “Eww, no way. And I can’t look at him without thinking of Kristi Swanson. Another ‘eww’, by the way.”
“Well, luv, I don’t think there’s much else on.”
She got up from the couch, pulling him up with her. “I think I remember someone here saying something about another two-hour bath.”
“It may have to be longer than that, pet,” he told her, gladly following behind, “being that the bed’s not set up.”
“Spike! You said you’d fix it!”
“Well, what can I say? I got sidetracked.”