The Blood Remembers, Book 1
By Meredith
Anya was getting sick of hearing Buffy complain about Spike. “Don’t you think we should start to concentrate on Glory a bit more? I mean, I know you’re really disgusted by the whole Spike thing, but we have to figure out what we’re going to do with our resident Hell God.”
Buffy resigned herself to Anya’s logic. With a loud “hrumph,” she sat herself at the table, surrounded by Giles’ books, her friends and Dawn. The shop was now closed for the night and Willow and Tara just finished placing a repelling spell on the building. Spike wasn’t coming in here uninvited ever again.
She just couldn’t get over the fact that he was pretending to love her! The way he tricked her into sitting watch on two fledglings, pretending to reach for his flask, Ergh! This is just so disgusting!
The anger in her just kept building. She knew that by now it should have subsided at least a little, but instead it seemed to feed on itself. All she had to do was think about him and it started fresh. And if she was honest with herself, she didn’t care.
Dawn was getting more and more impatient. She asked several times a day, “Did you find out anything else about me?” Buffy knew that if she asked one more time, Glory wouldn’t have to worry about finding the key any more. She would kill her little sister herself.
Before her spiraling anger could continue to dominate her thoughts, there was a knock at the door. Buffy saw red! “How dare he come here!” she screamed. “I told him to stay away!” She ripped the door open to find a very timid Willy twiddling his thumbs.
“Buffy, I was hoping you were here. Can I come in?”
“Yeah. Do you have some info on Glory for me?” She looked at him expectantly, her anger tossed aside for the moment.
“Sorry, that’s not why I came here tonight. I have some news about Spike though. I overheard some customers talking about the raid planned on the cemetery tonight…” He looked up and caught her eyes. He could have sworn that there was a tinge of red outlining them for a moment, and then it was gone. He took a step back
When she didn’t say anything, he continued. “I think there’s a bunch of vampires and demons planning on taking him out. Something about him being an abomination…loving, well, you.”
She continued to stare at him. Dawn was the first to speak up, “And we should care because?”
Willy’s mouth dropped. He looked around the room at the expressionless faces. Giles was sipping his tea, Xander was reading a book while Anya wiped down the counter, and Willow and Tara were sitting with their arms crossed. “Well, aren’t you going to do something? He can’t defend himself against the numbers they were talking about! And, I know he’s helped you in the past.”
Buffy looked at Giles. “I think I’ll skip my patrol tonight. See you guys tomorrow! Come on Dawn, we’re leaving.”
“The rumors are true,” Willy muttered. He was looking down at the floor and missed the Slayer look at him sharply.
”What rumors?” When he didn’t answer, she asked him again, dripping sweetness.
He started to walk towards the door. “I’m not getting paid for this. ‘Night!” Before he got there, Buffy ran in front and blocked his exit.
“Once again, what rumors?” The sweetness from moments earlier had rotted.
He was trapped. He remembered Spike saying something about a “brassed off slayer”, and decided it would be in his best interest to answer her question. Besides, if the rumors were true, he was courting death by delaying.
“They say you changed. A lot.” Once again, she was silent, waiting for him to continue. “Some say it was Spike telling you he loves you, others say it began when Angel left. But I heard that you went into Dracula’s castle the slayer, and came out something else. You used to care. In the past, when you patrolled, you slayed the vampires to release them from their torment. Now you hunt them to kill them.” He chuckled nervously. “At least I now know where the nick name comes from.”
Willow cocked her head to one side and asked what they all wanted to know. “What nick name?”
“Buffy the Serial Slayer. They say you drank...” The rest of the words never came. Buffy’s fist collided with Willy’s face.
She spat “Get out.” Willy turned and ran.
“Buffy, wh-what was he saying, about d-drinking?” Giles asked innocently.
She answered, “I have no idea,” but her mind was screaming. Ohmygod! I forgot about Dracula completely!
“I've searched the world over for you. Yearned for you…”
“Bet you say that before you bite all
the girls.”
“No. You're different. Kindred.”
She hadn’t allowed herself to remember since Riley left.
“You think you know. What you are, what's to come…you haven't even begun.”
It echoed in her mind. She had heard it once before, in a dream. Tara had said it to her before she fought the first Slayer.
The anger began in her again. It was so hard to keep in check. She clenched her fists, embedding half-moon marks into her palms.
“Gear up. We’re going to visit Dracula.”
Xander rolled his eyes and Anya clapped her hands lightly. Willow and Tara looked at each other and smiled slyly. Giles cleaned out his teacup. Within minutes they were ready to go.
Buffy led them to the cemetery first. She felt like there was a battle going on inside of her. One half of her wanted her to forget about Spike and Dracula and Glory and just hunt. The other urged her to find Spike. Although she was having trouble admitting it out loud, he had helped her on numerous occasions, and there was a nagging feeling that his part wasn’t played out in full yet.
She stopped in front of his crypt. “You guys stay out here. I’m going to get him.”
”But why?” whined Dawn. “Can’t we just go see Dracula? I’ve never met him!”
She’s so annoying! “Because I want him to come with us. Don’t argue!”
She opened his door and walked in.
She looked around the room. All the candles were out but one. The chair was in pieces and the TV was on its side with a boot mark smashed through the screen.
He was on his bed, with his back facing her. “Come back to torture me more? Does it make you feel good, knowing how easily you can hurt me? Give you a rise?”
”I didn’t come here to fight. Or to apologize. You have no idea how angry I am with you! But,” she shook herself lightly, pushing the anger back, “There are things I need to know. Stuff I have to find out. And whether or not I like it, you’re involved. I want you to come with us.”
Silence.
“Please.”
Oh, don’t say please. You don’t know what it does to me. He turned over to face her. You’re so beautiful. Don’t you know I’d do anything for you? “Where’re we goin’ luv?”
“I’ll tell you on the way, everyone’s waiting outside. Let’s go.” With that she turned and left him looking at where she had stood. He could see her there still, like a phantom. He rose, grabbed his duster and followed her.
Upon walking outside he met the glares of the Scoobies. He held each of their eyes in turn, as if to say, “I’m still Spike in here. Grrrr,” and at the same time, “Please don’t hate me. Can’t you understand…” But all those eyes looked back at him with a coldness he was unused to in humans. It chilled him.
“So Slayer, spill. What are we all doing out here?”
She had been throwing rocks at headstones while waiting for him. They splintered into tiny motes of dust. Just like a vampire. Poof! “We’re going to see Dracula.”
“Oh,” was his only response. That seemed to be all she was offering, and he thought it best to leave it at that. She wanted him with her. Even if she didn’t realize it, it was a crumb, just one little crumb…
They began to make their way to his castle. When it came into view, her memories began to assail her again.
“My friends are –“
“They're here. They will not find us. We are alone. Always…alone.”
Giles was the first to break the silence. “We should all stick t-together. Not get separated.” Seven heads nodded in agreement.
“So, once you get in there, what do you plan on doing exactly? ‘Hi Drac! I’m back! Now come over here and go poof like a good little vampire!’ And just what is your fascination with him anyway? He’s nothing but a bloody pain in the arse, if you ask me,”
Spike babbled on until Buffy stopped him by giving him a deadly glare. There was that anger again. Building, coming in and out like waves. The control she had over the anger was slowly being worn away by its determination and intensity.
She pushed open the door and they all stepped inside. Tara looked around, “Too dark and gothy. Needs a woman’s touch.” Xander just stared at her.
They began to make their way through the castle. Buffy stopped at a portrait in the main foyer. It was of a beautiful woman. Her hair was chestnut brown, her eyes emerald green. In the bottom corner it said ‘Elizabeth’. There was a date, but it had faded with age. Spike snorted. “He had her love. She saw beyond his demon. Lucky bloke.”
“Didn’t she end up dead? Killed herself because she thought he had been killed in battle?” asked Dawn.
“Nah. They just make that up so as to not scare all the little niblets too much. Drac had been Drac long before they met. Hundreds, maybe even thousands of years longer. No one really knows just how old he is, and his sire is a complete mystery. Some even say he was the first.”
Dawn became impatient. “Well, stop holding out! How did she die?”
“Her watcher killed her. They do that, you know. Kill their Slayers if they get too much out of their control.” He sneered at Giles. “You would never do that now Giles, would you? That’s why they tried to replace you with that pansy.”
“We so don’t have time for this,” Buffy practically screamed at them. Her stomach was turning. Of course she knew the council wouldn’t hesitate to kill her. But Giles, he cared about her and wouldn’t let that happen. So she wouldn’t worry!
But the anger at the thought was becoming overwhelming. The battle inside her was jumping from topic to topic. Everything was infuriating! She took Mr. Pointy and dragged the point from the top of the portrait to the bottom, then from left to right. The tears she made formed a cross over the long gone slayer.
Spike caught that red tinge around her eyes for just a moment. She was getting off on this! The anger! He could practically smell it on her. And Willow was smiling as if she had conspired with Buffy to deface the portrait. But before he could say anything, they moved on.
Buffy felt that familiar twinge at the back of her necks. Dracula was near. She let it guide her. She entered the main dining room, where she had drank from him.
“Find it…the darkness….Find your true nature.”
Hunting, blood going through veins, finally the face of the Primitive and an
explosion of white
She visibly shuddered at the memory. But not from fear or disgust. No, she actually felt a sense of loss at the thought of the culmination of the feeding, loss because it ended.
A voice came out of the darkness. “I have been waiting for you.”
“Don’t you ever change your M.O.? ‘I have been waiting for you.’ Oh, how original! I so wasn’t expecting that!” She sought him out and he acquiesced to the request her eyes conveyed.
Spike and all the Scoobies took up defensive positions around Buffy. Dracula surveyed her friends one by one. “They don’t need to be here. You are not here to fight me. You are here to know.”
“To know what?” she asked breathily.
“The darkness…your true nature. When you fed from me…”
“What?!?! You what?!?! You stupid little twit! You fed from him! Bloody Hell! If you wanted to know what it was like, you should have come to me! Or at least Angel! I can’t believe I’m hearing this!” He spat out the words with a fury he hadn’t felt in ages. Not even when he confronted her and Dru in his lair had he been this angry, this shaken. But his fury, his anger was based in love. She could have been killed! He could have killed her! My Slayer! My Love!
Giles paled at Dracula’s words. Now he understood what Willy meant. He felt the bile rise into his throat. Hate! Hate! Hate!
All of the Scoobies reacted with incredulity except for Dawn. She kept her composure and looked at her sister. It was like something inside her snapped and a haze was cleared away. She had been so angry! At Buffy, Spike, Glory, everyone! Including herself! Buffy was causing the anger! Somehow she was projecting it onto everyone around her. Dawn knew her sister was seriously pissed, but this went beyond anger. This was wrong; it almost had a sense of evil about it. Spike! She had been so mean to Spike! She liked him, and she didn’t care when Willy talked about the mob that was going to dust him. Her heart began to hurt at the thought, and just as fast as her epiphany came, it was gone. The anger took back its hold on her. I don’t care.
But Buffy made up for the lack of caring on Dawn’s part. She gnashed her teeth and pulled her lips back into a feral growl. She began to advance on Dracula, when he held up his hand and commanded, “That’s enough!”
Everyone visibly withdrew, except for Spike. The soulless vampire looked on his love with pity and pain. He wanted to envelope her in his arms and hold her close and safe. He fed her! He hurt her! He took away her innocence! My Love! He tried to physically project his love for her over and around her.
“As I was saying, when you fed from me, you had a glimpse of yourself. The real you. I can show you more, everything. Come to me and let me continue to take you on this journey.
“I can’t promise you that there won’t be pain, but we didn’t finish what we started. You are existing between two worlds right now. You feel the anger, the rage, and you feel the love and compassion. When you fed, you opened a door deep inside you, but only enough to let the feelings come through. The bare base essence. This is dangerous. Already you feel the anger consuming you. You need to see the rest of yourself. You must face it and let it move over you, and when it has passed, only you will remain. Are you ready?”
She looked at him, into his eyes. Inside her the battle began anew.
No! Don’t let him touch you! You don’t need a
vampire to show you…
Show me what?
Show me what?
The Slayer began to walk towards him. The nail marks
in her palms were now bleeding. The Scoobies began to protest, but with a
wave of Dracula’s hand they silenced. Spike felt paralyzed. No.
No. No. No. No. No. No.
He drew her close to him, brushed his lips against her palms, tasting her blood. She looked at the arm holding her hand, and the wrist. As if he read her mind, he bit into himself. The blood began to pool as he held his wrist out to her. She took his arm and latched on with her mouth. Everything around them ceased. Time had stopped to allow them to make their journey. Her friends were frozen, the tear on Spike’s cheek suspended there.
Then everything went white. Dracula was no longer there with her. All that was left was the coppery taste of blood in her mouth. It had begun.
The whiteness around her receded. She found herself standing in an ally facing Angel. She had no control over her actions, and she was screaming something at him. The anger in her swelled out of control, but there was something there besides the anger. Helplessness and fear. She could feel herself screaming at him to hurt her, to fight her, and at the same time, wordlessly begging him to hold her and steady her. That’s when she realized she was in Faith’s body. Buffy had no control over the situation; she was along for the ride. Everything Faith felt, Buffy felt. Everything Faith did, Buffy did. Everything Faith desired, Buffy desired. She doubted the rouge slayer knew Buffy was there. On some level, Buffy realized this happened in the past. She was reliving a moment in Faith’s life. This one moment changed everything for Faith. When she finally broke down in Angel’s arms, she felt the confusion and anger and relief wash over her.
But somewhere deep inside, there was a screaming. Something was building in anger. Faith had regained control over her rage, and the rage wanted to get back into the driver’s seat. It was almost physical. Buffy thought she saw something out of the corner of her eye. It was big and dark, but gone so fast she couldn’t be sure it wasn’t just a shadow.
Then everything was gone again. She was back in the white expanse, and she wasn’t alone. Dracula had joined her.
“They won’t all be like that,” he said. “Some will be much, much worse.”
She was off again. Another Slayer, another deciding moment. This one was fighting a master vampire. Kick, jump, kick, punch, dive, block, on and on. There was no conviction in her fight. She was like a robot. She heard the Slayer conversing with herself. I’m so tired. It would be so easy. I know I don’t have to feel guilty. I fought hard. Another will come and take my burden. It’s finally time.
Buffy screamed “NO!” but no noise issued from her. The master tore into her neck. Buffy could feel the Slayer’s blood, her blood, rushing from her body, cooling as it hit the night air and trickled down her chest. She felt herself sliding away. She was dying! Panic had set into her. Was she dying with this Slayer here and dying in the real world? Was she drinking too much blood from Dracula? Was he dragging her down with him? She tried to pull away, to fight the darkness closing over her. When the death came, she felt everything stop and she was back in the white void.
She didn’t have more than 15 seconds to catch her breath before she was whisked away to the next Slayer. This continued on and on, moving from Slayer to Slayer.
It wasn’t always a death she experienced. One Slayer from the early 1980’s experienced great happiness. She had been struggling with her death wish for several months when she entered a nest. Her intention was to clean the nest out and possibly give up her life, but as she entered she heard a child crying. She was attacked by a group of vampires. The cry of that child kept her fighting as hard as possible. It took what seemed like forever, and she was physically and mentally exhausted, but she dusted all of them. She found the child huddled in a closet, in dirty clothes looking very malnourished. She had several small bite marks on her neck and arms, but she was otherwise healthy. The child was brought to the hospital, treated for minor injuries and released to her family. The mother sought out the Slayer and embraced her. They didn’t say anything to each other, there was no need. The joy that filled her gave her the strength she needed to continue.
Buffy occasionally saw the shadow that appeared first with Faith. It was always a fleeting glimpse, and normally associated with intense anger. She saw it watching as Spike stripped the duster off the Slayer in the subway. It appeared again when one of the Slayers tortured a vampire that had turned her Watcher.
She had been through about 20 Slayers when she encountered an experience of such darkness it threatened to overwhelm her. The vampire fighting her was not quite a master, but she was strong. The Slayer was outmatched. The demon drove her fangs home. Buffy had gotten used to this by now. More than half of the Slayers she had been with died this way. The vampire had drained her almost to the point of death, when she bit into her wrist to feed the fallen Slayer. As the blood poured down her throat, she felt the pull begin deep within her gut. The pain was unbearable! Her soul was being gripped by a new entity. She realized it was the demon taking up residence in her. The soul and the demon merged into one, creating a balance, but not quenching the blood thirst or lust for evil. She had been turned into a soulful vampire. The struggle was phenomenal! It had only been a matter of minutes, but Buffy could sense this was a battle the Slayer would fight for the rest of her existence.
The shadow was quickly withdrawing from her. Buffy tried to follow it, but she was confined to the Slayer and then sent back to the white void. She spent the next group of Slayers looking for the shadow. It was everywhere and always associated with anger. Once she saw eyes within the shape. They were red and alien and seemed to be searching for something. But as before, it was gone within moments.
The Slayer found herself in the body of someone familiar. She had a face recently seen. Buffy realized she was in Elizabeth, the Slayer whose portrait she had defaced minutes ago. Or was that years ago. She completely lost track of time.
Elizabeth was sitting in front of a mirror, brushing her hair. She was wearing a silk nightgown and robe, and she tied a green silk ribbon into her hair. Buffy could feel Elizabeth tense at the approach of the vampire behind her. Reflectionless hands slid down her shoulders to brush her hands.
She was lifted from the vanity and carried to the bed, her eyes closed the entire time. The vampire kissed her, slipping his tongue into her mouth while removing her robe. A ribbon weaving back and forth in the nightgown closed it. He tugged the ribbon gently and the gown fell back to expose her body to his gaze. Even with her eyes closed, she could sense his perusal. His cold hands ran along her body, caressing her breasts and stomach. They slipped down between her legs and he slipped two fingers inside her. She arched to meet his thrusts, and Buffy allowed herself to enjoy the sensations. He slid in and out of her while his thumb brushed her clit. Elizabeth began to climb higher and higher, when without warning he replaced his thumb with his mouth. He sucked her swollen clit into his mouth while continuing to finger her with long slow strokes.
Buffy felt his demon come forth. He gently slid a sharp fang across her swollen lips, causing a small trickle of blood to come forth. The moment he cut her, Buffy exploded in orgasm along with Elizabeth. He thrust his hips against the bed and spilled his seed onto the sheets.
She looked down to see Dracula resting his head on her thigh, looking up at her. He slowly crawled up her body and kissed her. She tasted herself and her blood in his mouth, and wanting to intensify the lovemaking, she slid her tongue across one of his fangs, cutting it. Dracula sucked her blood from her, his cock stirring to life again. He reached down between them to stroke his cock into full erection and slid it into her. Their hips met and their mouths mated in rhythm. Buffy felt Elizabeth wrap her legs, their legs around him, pulling him deeper into her.
She suddenly pushed Dracula off her and onto his back. She kneeled over his knees and grasped his cock in her left hand, while thrusting her right hand between her legs. Dracula watched as she brought herself to orgasm, her slender fingers thrusting in and out of her, moisture dripping down her hand onto the bed. She turned around so her back was facing him and slid herself down on his cock. He watched as it slid in and out of her, he could see it throbbing every time she lifted herself up. His orgasm was fast coming. She pulled halfway off him and sat up straight so she could stroke his shaft and balls. She experienced her third orgasm as he shot his seed deep inside her womb. Buffy keened as the orgasm washed over her.
Only a few precious moments passed allowing Buffy to compose herself before the scene changed. She was still in Elizabeth, but she was with a different man now. They were eating a meal, and he was recounting the story of a vampire that was tormenting the Yugoslavian countryside. The dessert was brought out, a dish of fresh fruits. He encouraged her to eat, and she placed a slice of orange into her mouth. She bit down and the juices ran down her throat. She knew instantly. The fruit had been poisoned. Her watcher wore no expression on his face, offered no apology or regret. Elizabeth slipped into death quickly and quietly.
Buffy found herself once again in the void. Dracula was standing there, waiting for her. He didn’t say anything, allowing her space to think in peace. She thought of Spike. The further and further she traveled back in time with the Slayers, the less and less the anger in her controlled her. She was regaining control of herself. She wanted to sit there and try to figure out what it meant, why she was thinking of him. She remembered the look on his face when she shut the door on him. At the time, she felt such joy watching his face express his hurt and agony. Now it made her feel dirty and tainted.
But she was not to be granted the time to reflect, not yet. She was pulled back into the journey, into the next Slayer. She traveled back over the centuries, through the lives of the Slayers, reveling in their successes and tortured by their failures and deaths. Millennia passed, and the shadow still followed her. Always where there was anger. And as she went further back, the anger became more pronounced, harder to control. The shadow was starting to be there constantly. It came closer and closer with each passing Slayer.
It began to take on a more defined shape. She could see what looked like ribbons splayed out behind it. They moved outwards, touching people and demons as they passed. She noticed that the darker the slayer was, the closer the shadow was to her. A few even had a ribbon wrapped around them.
She had returned to the void again after a particularly difficult battle. Dracula was ever present. Before she could be pulled along again, she quickly asked, “The shadow. Is it the First Slayer?”
“No. It is something else,” he answered. “Something older.”
“But…” it was too late. She was back on the journey.
She went through several more generations of Slayers without too much change. They died, they loved, they fought (always fought), and the shadow was there more and more. Yet it no longer seemed a menacing force. Some of the Slayers knew of its presence, and welcomed it into their proximity. Some talked to it, as if it was a deity to pray to. They looked to it for guidance and welcomed it into their lives.
Then, after only moments in the void, she found herself standing in a field in the center of a circle, which looked like it was formed from salt and a fine powder that had a glimmer to it. There were several candles in the circle with her, and the breeze played through her hair. She was completely naked, but didn’t feel the slightest bit cold. Although it was hard to see in the darkness, she could tell her body was red with a heat that issued from inside her. Somewhere she could hear small bells tinkling. Her hands were above her head and she was swaying back and forth.
There were words coming from her, but she couldn’t understand the language. With the other Slayers, language was never a barrier. She understood French, Chinese, Russian, African Dialects, anything they spoke. She knew that the reason she couldn’t understand this Slayer was that she was ‘speaking in tongues’. It was a low and guttural sound that was harsh and sounded inhuman. Her eyes were trained to the stars, and when the entranced Slayer began to spin, it formed beautiful twinkling white circles in the sky.
Suddenly, she stopped and fell to her knees. There was a small obsidian shard in front of her and a bowl that looked like it was shaped from a small tree trunk. She took the shard and cut her left wrist, allowing the blood to drip into the bowl. The bleeding finally stopped, and she lifted the bowl to the sky, offering it to the moon and stars. She placed it back on the ground and began to speak unintelligibly once more.
The shadow stood just outside the circle. The ribbons moved though the air slowly, and two reached into the circle to grasp the bowl from the ground. It pulled the bowl into its darkness and lapped at the blood slowly, the red eyes staring into the Slayer’s eyes. The bowl was placed back into the circle and the Slayer ran one finger along the bottom. She licked the blood from her hand, and the warmth emanating from her cooled as the shadow began to dissipate.
Buffy realized the shadow was being absorbed into the Slayer’s body and soul. She was becoming one with it! It reminded her of being turned by a vampire. There was a struggle within while the soul and shadow merged. The soul wanted closeness, intimacy; the shadow was resisting these pulls, but it was only a token effort.
The struggle ended quickly and was replaced by a feeling of euphoria. Buffy’s head was spinning at the closeness of the shadow. She realized she was becoming very aroused. The Slayer threw her head back and laid down on the earth. The ribbons had become part of her…they extended out and around her to caress her gleaming skin. Sinuous silken touches caressed her arms and belly. The moved up and down her legs and dipped between her breasts. The light touches started a throbbing in her groin and she arched to allow access to her core. They slid over her nipples and teased the wet lips between her thighs. They ran under her body to cradle her back and lift her hips comfortably into the air. Ribbons slid inside her slick channel and around her clit. They brushed her lips like the kiss of a lover and teased her palms and the back of her knees. The wetness that formed between her legs was absorbed back into her body by the ribbons.
Buffy tried to push herself closer to the caresses. She wanted to feel them directly, instead of through the Slayer. Buffy was only vaguely aware of the fact that they were floating above the ground. It was as if the ribbons were grasping something above them, pulling them higher and higher. When Buffy and the Slayer came, they screamed into the night. But laced under their voices was a lower groan of pleasure, a voice that was part of them but not from them.
The Slayer was let back down to the ground where she lay allowing the soft breeze to cool her skin.
Buffy realized she was not being pulled away this time. She reached out with her thoughts to the shadow within:
Do you know I’m here?
Yes, answered the voice of the shadow. You are always here.
What are you?
You are asking the wrong question.
Who are you?
Close. So close. The voice was slowly fading away from her.
What other question is there?
The only question there is. The only question that has an answer. Everything comes from that question.
Who am I? She waited for an answer but there was none forthcoming. She repeated the question more forcefully. That was when she realized she was no longer with the Slayer. She was in the void again.
“Damnit! That is really starting to piss me off!” The only response she received was a chuckle from Dracula. “What the hell are you laughing at? I really don’t find this funny! I almost had an answer!”
“Buffy, the ‘shadow,’ as you call it, will not give you direct answers, only travel with you on your way.”
“Why did it change? It was so angry at the beginning. It seemed to be pulled towards anger and now the Slayers are welcoming it and it just made love with the last one. What made it change and become so loving?” She was so deep in thought that she missed the obvious error in her logic.
“Buffy, you forgot,” Dracula whispered, “You’re traveling backwards in time.”
Her eyes grew wide. She thought back on all the Slayers she had been with. Somewhere along the line, the Slayers stopped welcoming the shadow into their lives. And now it seemed that the council and all the Slayers had just forgotten about it. Was it bitter? Or maybe just lonely? It seems like it just wanted to be received in love, and when that love didn’t come, it got angry.
At that thought she was brought full circle back to
Spike. Does he really just want to love me?
At that thought she was brought full circle back to Spike. Does he really just want to love me?
A cave with a great fire in the center replaced the whiteness. Sitting with crossed legs on the floor of the cave was a woman. She was wrapped in strips of cloth and had a slight glow to her. It was as if she was capturing the light from the fire, absorbing into herself and reflecting it back.
Buffy realized she was standing alone, without a Slayer. She walked to the woman and knelt down beside her. When she reached out to touch her, one of the strips of cloth reached back and wrapped gently around her fingers. This is the shadow!
The woman nodded in her direction and gestured for her to sit down beside her. The warmth of the fire didn’t reach the Slayer in her ethereal state, but it was comforting none-the-less.
The woman looked at Buffy and said, “You’ve come to learn. You wish to know your true nature.”
Buffy smiled and gripped the ribbon in her hand tighter. It caused her to tingle in the most wonderful way. “Dracula said you wouldn’t give me any answers. That you were just along for the journey.”
“What does Dracula know?” she smiled slyly, “He’s just a man! You have journeyed so far to come to me. You deserve to know the truth. I need someone to know. I’ve grown so lonely.”
The sadness in her voice pierced Buffy’s heart. Again,
she thought of Spike. Why was I so cruel to him?
The woman started, “In the beginning, it was dark. Then light came into the void but the darkness refused to recede. They fought against each other to hold dominance, and eventually found a balance with each other. They became dependent on each other.
“The void began to fill with the most wonderful creatures and places. Everything had its balance though. There were worlds of such splendor; they were covered in colors that seemed painted there by a skilled hand, not grown randomly from the desires of the light and dark. And the animals that came forth were fantastic! Some no longer exist in this or any other universe. Some are still today as they were in the beginning. Others grew and changed, but always creating a balance.
“The darkness had its favorites. Among those were the creatures called the demons. They were magical creatures that were in tune with night around them. They looked upon the humans, the favorites of the light, as brothers and sisters. They mixed with them, and there were human traits to be found among the demons, and demon traits to be found among the humans.
“But as there must be a balance between darkness and light, there must also be a balance between good and evil. Both worked towards the betterment of all creatures in concert with each other.
“Occasionally, one would become too strong and begin to dominate the other. That is when The Powers would send forth a champion to even everything out again. I was one such champion. I was not good or evil, but a combination of both. I stayed on this world for thousands of years, keeping peace.
“But then came the time of disruption. The demons began to predict me and grew weary of my rule. They began to work in secret to strengthen their half. Look.”
Buffy was now standing on a sunlit beach and swayed with the wind and had trouble focusing on what was before her. She saw Glory standing beside the surf, the waves washing over her feet. The Great Glorificus was one of the beings sent forth by the Powers to balance the universe when the light had become too strong.
Glory was with a demon, it was Dracula but he was not a vampire yet. She took a knife and opened her wrist under the bright sun. Dracula was forced to drink the blood that flowed forth, and although he tried to reject her, the bloodlust began to set in and he latched onto her arm. She was laughing and her minions were swaying and chanting.
She was being sent forward now, into a temple, where she saw the woman who was the shadow standing with Glory. She was very angry and had the demon Glory fed kneeling on the ground in front of them. The shadow took holy relics and pressed them into his skin. Where they touched, it burned and scarred. She took garlic and placed it in his mouth. It smoked and ate away at his tongue. She took blessed water and poured it over the palms of his hands. The skin peeled back and exposed his bones. She thrust him outside into the sun and he burst into flames. He was pulled back and doused just in time. She stood him before the polished mirror and he cast no reflection. The last act of punishment was to make him crave that which gave him his powers. Blood. He would be ostracized from society and forced to live in darkness. His only family would be those he forced into his death, not those born of love and intimacy.
Buffy was retuned to the woman and the cave once again.
“I thought my punishment would deter the demons from trying to gain the power of the gods. I was wrong. Dracula was forced to go out into the world and create a family. If he did not do as Glory insisted, he was denied blood and tortured.
“Once again without my knowledge the powers of the dark began to outweigh the light. A war began and Glory was too strong for me to control. At that point, so many of the precious humans had been changed to vampires, and had changed more in turn, and so on and so on. The Powers grew weary of my failure and decided I needed to act more drastically.”
At the memory, the woman became distressed. Her eyes turned red and her ribbons flayed out around her. They changed from silk to scales. Several reached into the fire to grasp one of the burning logs and hurl it against the wall. The impact was so severe, the log disintegrated and flames shot out in all directions. And just as fast as her change began, it ended. Her ribbons were once again silky and loving. They retook Buffy’s hand to comfort her.
She continued, “I was told to take my power and give it to a human. She would have most of my strength and would be the chosen champion of the light. As punishment, I would exist in shadows until the balance had been restored. That was the birth of the first Slayer.
“But the Powers took pity on me. They allowed me to be with the Chosen Slayers, so we could give each other strength in our times of distress, and find the joys in a world so overwrought with evil.
“At first, all the Slayers performed the rite that allowed me to join with them. The demon half of me required the blood offering, the human half needed the lovemaking. But soon they decided they no longer needed me. I needed their acknowledgement to make my presence known to them, and the more and more Slayers that passed without welcoming me, the weaker and weaker I grew. Their stupidity and arrogance hindered them from experiencing joys unimagined. And when the past Slayers joined with me, they received the powers in me that I had retained. They were complete. The newer Slayers were unfinished and easier to defeat.
“Centuries passed and soon I was forgotten. Occasionally, one would learn of me and take me into her. Elizabeth, the Slayer who loved Dracula, was one such woman. By creating the balance within herself, she was able to accept the pleasures life had to offer and yet still be a Champion. She found real love with him, and although her time was short, she lived life fully.
“I discovered early on that although I wasn’t able to tap into the human side of my wonderful Slayers, I could still touch their demon sides. But they needed to have anger and hate in their souls for me to influence them. The more time that passed, the easier it was to find the rage. The council stopped being watchers and started being controllers. Without a Slayer at full strength, the vampires and evil ones grew in numbers.
“The cycle became vicious. But that changes now, doesn’t it? You’ll change that.” The last part was not a question, but a statement.
Buffy sat with her mouth open and her eyes wide. She had so much to digest! The woman said the Slayers had a demon side. No. That can’t be! I’m NOT a demon!
“No Buffy, you’re not. You are a balance of all that is good and all that is evil. Or you should be. You are neither human nor demon, good nor evil. You are a champion of the Powers brought forth to restore balance. You have come much further than your predecessors, but without me you will fail and the cycle will continue. You think you know. What you are, what's to come…you haven't even begun.”
And the journey came to an end.
Buffy pulled away from Dracula’s wrist in time to see the tear on Spike’s face drop to the floor.
“Oh, thank whatever god there is to thank!” Spike clasped his hands together and started towards the beautiful woman with blood smeared on her lips. “Luv, step away from him. There’s nothing he can give you.”
The anger still stirred in the Scoobies, but Buffy held up her hand and stopped all of them. She turned to face Dracula and their eyes met in understanding and respect. He took a step back from her, placed his fist over his heart and bowed to her. She nodded her head and watched as he turned into a bat and was gone from the castle.
The Scoobies and Spike converged on her. She looked at each of them and saw the rage in their eyes. She knew it was the woman touching them through her. And then she looked at Spike and saw only love and concern in him. He was still crying.
Only a moment had passed here, but for Buffy, uncounted centuries had gone by. She was exhausted, but she knew there were still things that needed to be done. The Slayer walked out of the room and made her way back into the foyer with everyone in tow.
Buffy removed the damaged portrait from the wall and brought it with her. Tomorrow she would take it to the gallery her Mother had worked at and have it sent out for repair.
They made their way silently through the streets of Sunnydale back to where they began. The shop. Buffy invited Spike in, placed the portrait behind the register counter and began gathering supplies. She took a velvet bag filled with blessed salt and several candles. Then she took a mortar and pestle made from a piece of volcanic rock off one of the shelves and threw a handful of quartz crystals into it. She used the pestle to work the crystals into a fine dust and collected it in a silk bag.
Next she found a piece of obsidian and a plain wooden bowl and put everything into her backpack. She still hadn’t said a word to any of her companions and they were getting very worried and angry. Buffy knew that if she gave in and spoke with them, she would be delayed.
She started back into the streets again, making her way to the forest. She could feel her friends following her at a safe distance, but their rage was still so strong. Then she noticed the feeling of love surrounding her. At first she thought it was the woman, but then she realized it was Spike. He was trying to project his love and concern for her to her and around her. She smiled to herself.
The Slayer found a clearing and emptied her bag onto the ground. Buffy took the salt and poured it out into a large circle. She covered the salt with the crystal dust and placed the candles around her. When she lit the candles, she began to speak.
“I know you want an explanation but now is not the time. If you want to stay here with me tonight, you must follow these rules. If you don’t you will kill not only me but yourself as well.” The candles were lit and she began to remove her clothing.
“Do not enter the circle under any circumstances! No matter how strange this gets, or how wrong it looks, please know I need to do this. It’s important to me and I forbid any of you from trying to stop me. I promise that when this is done, I will explain everything to you. Right now, all you need to know is that I will not be in any danger as long as you keep your distance.” She picked up the obsidian and used a rock to break it into a sharp shard.
“If what you see here tonight is too much for you to handle, leave. I won’t be insulted or angry with you. This ritual is for me alone and you are only here because I know you love me and are concerned for me.”
She moved into the center of the circle, the candlelight casting shadows on her naked body. There was a tug in her stomach, and she felt the need to release herself to what was coming. She knew she would be fine, so she gave into the desire and raised her hand and eyes to the sky. The voice that came from her was a combination of her own and something foreign. The words were from a language dead for over a million years. She called to the woman, the shadow, and spun in circles, watching the stars form bright lines in the sky. Buffy realized the voice that issued from her wasn’t a single voice, but a multitude of voices! They were the Slayers long gone, joining with her and reaching for their completion.
The forest faded into a blur and all she saw was the circle. She knelt down before the bowl and took the obsidian shard in her left hand. There was no pain as the shard slid effortlessly across her wrist, cutting her open. Her blood flowed into the bowl, and when it stopped, Buffy could see the shadow standing outside the circle. Ribbons crossed the boundary to lift the bowl to the woman’s lips. She lapped at the blood and returned it to the ground in front of the Slayer. Buffy ran her finger across the bottom of the bowl and licked the blood from her hand.
Her friends could see the shadow in front of her and began to panic! Giles and Xander went to run at it, but Dawn and Spike screamed “No!” Dawn was released from her anger and knew what was happening here. It was familiar to her, and felt safe. Giles and Xander returned to a safe distance in time to see the shadow begin to disappear. As she faded from outside the circle, she seemed to reappear inside the circle behind Buffy.
The Slayer’s head was thrown back in ecstasy and she lay back on the ground. Her body writhed in sensuous pleasure and began to lift up into the air. They stood speechless watching her become more and more aroused.
When Buffy came, she screamed into the night. Everyone was breathing heavy except for Giles, who was hiding behind a tree. The telltale bulge in Spike’s pants earned him stares from everyone, and that’s when they realized they no longer hated him. They all knew then that the vampire’s confession was of love, not hate! Not one of them could figure out why it angered them so much. It wasn’t like he threatened to kill her or them, or to sell Dawn to Glory…he loved her! He wanted to hold her and kiss her, not drain her or turn her. Being loved by someone, even a vampire, wasn’t such a bad thing after all.
They watched as Buffy was lowered to the ground slowly and fell into a peaceful sleep. It was around midnight, and they all waited for her to come to. They each looked at Spike with understanding and acceptance, and one by one, they began to fall asleep.
Sometime around 4a.m., Buffy woke up. She looked out over her sleeping friends and chuckled to herself. The rage was gone. It was replaced with a feeling of completion, contentment and love.
She began to dress herself under Spike’s gaze. Cor, she is so beautiful. I wish she would let me hold her! She hasn’t staked me yet tonight, in fact, she let me watch her, ummm, now what would one call that? He felt the familiar pressure building up in his pants again.
Now everyone was starting to wake up. Buffy blew out the candles, packed away all her supplies and thanked the night for its protection.
“I promised you that when I was done, I would tell you exactly what happened tonight. I mean to keep that promise, but I’m not quite done yet. You should all go home and get a good amount of sleep. My story will take hours to relay, and Giles, you may want to buy batteries and extra tapes for your recorder. You won’t want to sit there and try to write this all down at once.”
Each of her friends looked at her and there was peace behind their eyes. She could tell they would work on a friendship with Spike, which would make what was to come all the easier.
Buffy thought about the joining, and realized that she could feel the woman within her, sharing in all her sensations. The Slayer knew then she would never be alone, no matter what happened to her. She could feel the power running through her, and knew it would be a long time before she discovered all she had become. Those ribbons were now issuing from her, reaching out invisibly to touch her friends and protect them all.
She thought of Elizabeth and Dracula who had found such wonderful love with each other. She knew there was more to being a vampire than just having a demon instead of a soul. She wanted to explore this revelation, to know what it meant, and she knew she would spend the rest of her life with Spike, doing just that.
When the reached the streets of Sunnydale, Buffy walked each of them home, hugging them tight. Soon, it was only the Slayer, Dawn and the Vampire. Spike walked the ladies to Revello Drive and to their door. Dawn hugged Buffy on the porch and made her way inside and to her bedroom. Spike stood to the side looking at the ground. She took his hand and pressed the palm to her lips. “Come inside.”
Hand in hand, they walked into her home. Her mother had been gone one month now and the house had seemed so cold and empty. She led him up to her bedroom and closed the door behind them.
“Luv, what was all that…” She pressed her fingers to his lips to quiet him.
“I’m not done yet. There is still one more thing I need to do before I can tell my story and explain everything.”
She walked him towards the bed and he sat down on the edge. Buffy leaned forward, her hair falling onto Spike’s upturned face, brushing the eyes that bore tears for her hours earlier. They leaned into each other and began brush their lips together. Every time Spike tried to kiss her deeper, she pulled back to tease him. Her fingers ran over his neck and ears while his hands ran over her stomach and down her legs. Her teasing was becoming unbearable, but he would die before he stopped her.
She pulled his duster off his arms and began to remove his silk shirt. He unbuttoned her jeans and tugged her shirt free and over her head, revealing her braless chest. He stood in front of her and turned her away from him. His hands ran over her bare back, caressing and stroking her shoulders down to just inside of her underwear. Everywhere his hands went, his lips and tongue followed. He pulled her jeans down and she stepped out of them. His hands continued to touch her, his mouth to taste her. He moved down the back of her left leg and then back up to the swell of her buttocks, and repeated the motion with her right leg. He stood to kiss her neck, to show he could control himself. He whispered into her ear, “Buffy, I love you.”
Buffy repeated the words back to him, saying his name into the night. He felt dizzy with happiness and overwhelmed with love.
As Spike slipped his fingers into the sides of the panties she wore, he knelt down before her. Slowly he pulled them down to the floor and then turned her to face him. He looked up at her beautiful body and into her eyes. He felt he was worshiping a Goddess. She pulled him up to her and undressed him completely. His erection stood pressed against his belly, and when she looked at it, his cock jerked and throbbed.
Her arms went around his neck and she pulled him into her embrace. They kissed deeply, their tongues slipping inside the other’s mouths. They slowly pressed their hips against each other, and then slowly pulled back, repeating the motion several times. Her eyes were glazed over with desire and for a moment, he caught his reflection in them.
She pulled back and a fine thread of pre-cum clung to her belly and the head of his cock. They lay down on the bed and their hands began exploring every part of each other. Spike wanted this first time to be special; he wanted her to come while he was inside her. His fingers had been sliding in and out of her while her hands ran up and down the length of his shaft.
She knew at the same moment he did that it was time. Buffy lay on her back and opened her arms and legs to him in invitation. He slipped onto her and gently pushed inside her. Their orgasms were almost instantaneous. They both froze and began to shake with the intensity of their lovemaking. They screamed each other’s names and declared their love as she throbbed around him and he came inside her.
The tears that were in his eyes hours earlier returned and fell onto her upturned face to mix with her freshly shed tears. She could feel the ribbons reaching out from her to hold him tight to her. She smiled, knowing this was right. She found her love.
They slid under the covers and held each other while sleep overtook them. When morning came, Buffy rose to close the shades and speak briefly with Dawn. The Slayer knew tonight she would be explaining everything for hours on end, and decided to make the most of the day. She returned to the bed and they continued to sleep and make love for the rest of the day. And every time their eyes met, Spike caught that momentary glimpse of his reflection and Buffy absorbed the love that poured from him.
Completion.