Decisions
Part 9 of the “Misunderstanding” series
By Karen U.
We went for coffee after the movie; Buffy insisted. Of course, I’m sure she now wishes she hadn’t. It’s not that anything bad happened - although we did discover that ‘Spike + caffeine = really hyper dead guy’. That wasn’t exactly a surprise though. No, the surprise came later. I’m getting a little ahead of myself, aren’t I? Sorry about that. I guess I should back up a bit.
Okay, here goes. The whole ‘going for coffee’ thing actually went pretty well. It’s kind of funny, Spike and Riley are becoming friends - or at least it seems like they are. I wonder what would happen if Riley found out Spike’s a vampire? I have to admit I do feel a little guilty about deceiving Riley. I mean, he doesn’t know about me being a witch or Buffy being the Slayer - it just seems a little unfair. Of course, he could be keeping secrets from us, too - yeah, right.
Wow, that was a bit off topic, wasn’t it? Sorry about that. Anyway, coffee was cool. Spike and Riley talked about basketball. I had no idea Spike was a basketball fan; I guess that old cliché about learning something new everyday is true. At least this new thing isn’t evil - well not really, anyway. Although Dennis Rodman does kind of creep me out. I think he’s retired now, though.
Anyway, Spike was hopped up on mochas (I admit it, we should have cut him off after three; he’ll probably be bouncing off the walls for a week), so we decided to let him take Buffy’s patrol. Trust me, the guy had major excess energy to work off, and he was kind of freaking me out. Which kind of pissed me off. I’d had great plans of doing naughty things to Spike, but no, he had to go drink way too much caffeine and screw it all up - hmphh. Oh, well. Nothing I can do about it now.
Anyway, after saying goodbye to Riley and sending Spike off to wreak some havoc on the undead, Buffy and I decided to go back to the dorm room and have some girl time. We wanted to talk, watch movies - you know, all that stuff we rarely get to do because we’re too busy saving the world.
That’s when it happened.
Gosh, that certainly sounds ominous, doesn’t it? It’s not, like a bad thing - it’s just surprising and confusing. Very confusing.
Buffy and I were watching some cheesy eighties film - I don’t even remember what it was. It had some Brat Pack members in it. You know who I mean - Judd Nelson, Molly Ringwald, and a bunch of other people who no longer have careers. Okay, moving on now. Well, Buffy and I were watching the movie and talking at the same time, mostly to make fun of what was going on onscreen. The basic plot of the movie was some rich girl having to choose between two guys: a rich guy and a poor guy. Really creative storyline, huh? Well, Buffy and I were doing the ‘poor little rich girl’ routine: how awful for her to have to choose between two guys - sigh. I ended up laughingly mentioning how Buffy had gone through the same dilemma back when Xander had a crush on her and she chose Angel instead. I asked her how it felt to know that there were two attractive guys that wanted you. That’s when Buffy made some comment under her breath: ‘you should know,’ or something to that effect. I don’t think I’ll ever be able to tell you what she said with any certainty; my mind froze and I kind of went into shock when she said it. At first I thought she was talking about that whole Oz/Xander debacle during senior year, but the look on her face told me differently. Bringing up Oz and Xander would not cause Buffy to get that whole ‘deer in the headlights’ look. No, it had to be something else. After a few minutes of hemming and hawing and giving me that ‘I’m pathetic so please be nice to me’ look she has, I finally got it out of her: Angel has a thing for me.
I laughed in her face.
After I calmed down, I took a good look at Buffy’s face, and then I just knew. This wasn’t a joke or a game. This was true. I felt suddenly guilty - I had just laughed at Angel’s feelings. I hadn’t meant to, I just never thought Angel could ever have feelings for me. Of course, I would have never thought that Spike could fall for me, either. Yet here we are, a couple.
I love Spike. I never would have believed I’d end up saying those three little words. It feels nice, though. I think I’ll say it again. I love Spike. It has a nice ring to it, doesn’t it?
But what about Angel? Buffy told me why she thinks Angel has a thing for me - and, well, I didn’t really buy it at first. I knew that Angel had been acting kind of different lately, but I just chalked it up to weirdness about Buffy dating Riley. Then Buffy dropped the bombshell. Xander had told her that Angel had admitted that he had feelings for me. I never would have suspected. God, I hate being clueless. I guess I was just too wrapped up in my relationship with Spike to even notice. I mean, who would pay attention to the outside world if they had Spike? He’s so funny - and good Lord, is that man gorgeous or what? Those beautiful eyes, those fabulous cheekbones, not to mention that amazing butt.
Then there’s Angel. He’s pretty great, too. Face it, he’s a total hottie. Eyes, face, hair, body - he’s pretty much the whole package. He’s really sweet, too. Not exactly Humor Guy, though. I don’t want to hurt him, but I don’t want to risk what I have with Spike, either. Why is it that when everything is going just right, something comes in and just completely throws you for a loop? Okay, so this is a lot better than the usual thing that comes along. The ‘usual thing’ generally involves impending doom. Having the affection of two amazing men, who just happen to be vampires (there is no such thing as absolute perfection), isn’t exactly the end of the world.
The only question is - who do I choose?