New Year
It was not the New Year’s Eve she had envisioned. She had pictured them, alone in her living room, flames leaping in the fire place, a glass of champagne each. At the stroke of midnight she would finally share her feelings, her true feelings, with him, and they would share a gentle kiss.
In reality, he was still gone, and with each day it took to find him, the likelihood of ever finding him at all grew fainter. She wouldn’t dwell on that. He was still alive. He had to be. She had to tell him.
What did it say about her, about who she had become, that she hoped the blood staining the torture wheel in the school basement had belonged to some stranger, some human? Not him. There was a lot of blood.
“Buffy?” Her sister was sitting beside her. “Where were you? It’s almost midnight.”
“Hmm?” Buffy looked around the room. The remaining slayers in training were chatting brightly. Kennedy and Willow were in deep conversation, though perhaps deep was not a word to use with one of these girls. The other one, the busty one, was doing her best to get Xander’s attention, but he was distracted. Anya and Giles were somewhere else.
Glasses were arraigned on the table with a bottle of ginger ale. Wine was expensive, and these girls too young to drink it anyway. Maybe it didn’t matter. Maybe tomorrow none of it would matter to them, to anyone, but they had to keep up some semblance of normalcy. That’s what Giles had told her.
On the television, a ball was dropping in Times Square. “Three...two...one...Happy New Year!” Xander was swarmed with young women, all stealing a kiss. There, now he was smiling.
“Want a piece of me, Buff?” he asked, lipstick smearing his cheeks. “I’m the designated New Year kiss guy.”
“Thanks,” Buffy replied, “But not this year.” She reached for a glass, then pulled back her hand. “I’m heading up to bed.” She should have been out, hunting the creature. Should have been looking for Spike. Should have been...But they had persuaded her to stay inside tonight. Why would she have more luck this night than all the others? They wanted their New Year’s Eve, and she let them have it.
Giles and Anya were standing in the upper stair well. She could hear them as she pulled herself up with the banister. “I’m so glad,” Anya was saying. “Up until you kissed me, I was beginning to wonder if you were really you. But you are definitely corporeal.”
Giles and Anya. She sighed. At least someone was happy. “Hey, night guys,” she said, as she passed them in the hall.
“Buffy...” Giles seemed embarrassed. Yes, there went the glasses. “We were just...”
“Happy New Year.” She pushed open her bedroom door and stepped inside. Lay on the bed covers fully clothed.
“Today, Spike,” she said into the night. “I swear I’ll find you today.” She tried to sleep, but it wouldn’t come. Her eyes stared until they became accustomed to the darkness. Stared into the New Year. “Today.”