If Only
Why had she done it? Why had she taken Dawn to the crypt?
She should be out looking for Willow. They had checked out the police station, but there was no sign of her there. She could be anywhere. A witch that powerful, she could be any when, for that matter. For all they knew she could have gone back in time, tried to push Tara out of the way a minute before the bullet hit. She could be killing Warren's parents, making sure he would never exist. Or, she could be hiding in the next room. No way to know.
She would have searched for her all night, if the after effects of the bullet hadn't kicked in. If she hadn't started to keel over into Xander's arms. If he hadn't insisted she go home and get some sleep. He'd call her if he heard anything.
She couldn't sleep. If she had the energy to move, she would have gotten out of bed. She didn't have the energy. Where was her legendary Slayer strength? Had Willow done something to her? Anyway, if she moved, she'd disturb Dawn, curled up beside her. She couldn't put Clem out by having her sister stay over in the crypt.
Which brought her back to the matter at hand. Why had she taken Dawn to the crypt? To Spike. "Attempted rape" Xander had said. It was true. He'd tried to force her. It was true that Spike couldn't hurt Dawn. He could, however, let something else hurt her if he'd been inclined. But that was silly. He loved Dawn.
He claimed to love her too. He had hurt her. Betrayed her trust. The trust she'd said she didn't have. But she trusted him with the most precious person in her life. Why?
Maybe it was his eyes. The look of horror in them when she'd kicked him against the wall. Fear. Self-loathing. Pain.
That was it, wasn't it? She'd hurt him. She got it. And now he was gone.
If only...