Face Off
“You, Harris. You never miss an opportunity to drag me down, lay into me. Yeah, okay, ya took me in for a few days and I didn’t do the housework. That was a long time ago. Long before I spent the summer working beside you, fighting beside you. Long before you cut me out of your stupid plan. Not that I wasn’t grateful to have her back, you don’t know how much, but the pain you lot put her through. Every time you see me, you have ta dig into me. If you’d been a little more understandin’ of what I am, why I am, maybe you’d still be with your demon. She loved you, ya git.
And Red. I know you’ve been through the ringer, but you put yourself there. I warned you, more that once, that you were messin’ with things you couldn’t handle. Don’t be surprised that it blew up in your face. You cut me out too, knowin’ how much I love her.
And you have the right, I don’t deny it. You lot reached out to me once, and I brushed you aside. Did it occur to you that my whole life was upside down? That everything I thought I was, that made me who I am, was ripped away from me. So I wasn’t a killer anymore. One for your side. But I did change. I thought you knew it. I was wrong.
The one person who treats me decent isn’t here, is she? You should be makin’ her a Scoobie, includin’ her, but instead you treat her like a baby. You have no idea how much pain she’s in. Just a little family appendage. I used to spend a lot of time with her, and it was good for both o’ us, but you had ta put a stop to it.
Buffy. I love you. With all my heart. But it’ll never be good enough, will it? I’ll never be good enough. Oh, you like to fight with me, you like…I’m useful, sometimes, aren’t I? That’s all it’ll ever be. I’m so tired of it. I know how much you hurt, but you never stop to consider that I’m hurting too, do you? Or maybe you do, but you just don’t care. Stop looking at me with those sad eyes. It’s not enough.
I’ve had enough.”
“And that’s why I’m sittin’ here in this soddin’ pub with you.” Spike raised his ale to his lips and took a swig. “I packed my bags and left. So it’s your turn. Tell me what an evil, vile thing I am. Tell me why I’m a waste o’ space, why last summer didn’t count. Tell me they’re better off without me.”
“Buffy called me.” Giles studied the vampire sitting beside him, considering what to say. “She told me everything, about your relationship, how it ended.” He placed his hand on Spike’s arm.
Spike looked at him in surprise. “Everything? Surprised you weren’t waitin’ with a stake.”
“Go home, Spike,” Giles said. “She has a great deal to tell you, things that aren’t my place to say. I will tell you one thing. You are good for her. Don’t choke on your beer, I mean it. Go home. You won’t regret it.”
Hope flashed in Spike’s eyes. “She didn’t tell you, I mean, she didn’t say that…”
“Go home.”